Grossology 101

In dentistry we have this really great Latin phrase, "materia alba". I'm sure you've all heard of it, as it ranks right up there with "carpe diem" and "tempus fugit". No but really, we use it to describe things when we're not quite sure what they are. "Materia alba" literally translates to "white material". I'm sure your imagination is running wild. Anyway, Ester Wilkens (the goddess of dental hygiene) gives this as a definition... "white or cream-colored cheesy mass that can collect over bacterial plaque on unclean, neglected teeth; it is composed of food debris, mucin, bacteria". Cheesy is a good adjective, but I prefer to call it mashed potatoey. You know, the kind of stuff you could put into a bowl and serve with a brisket and a nice bottle of pinot noir.

I don't get grossed out relatively easily. I've taken grossology 101, 201, 301, and 401. I have the pictures and textbooks to prove it. I've examined, sliced and diced, ect, ect...you get the picture. What I don't understand is why people can't see this on their OWN teeth, when I can see it perfectly from across the room? I know, I know, I signed up for this gross job. Honestly though, you can't believe some of the things I have found in people's mouths. I've added a few of my own "materia" to the Latin phrase book. For example, "materia green bean", "materia oatmeal", "materia hair" (yes, hair, but that falls under grossology 201). And, these were all just added this morning. I've got a whole new Latin dictionary just waiting to be published.

People, have some respect for your dental professionals. Buy a toothbrush and USE it.

Utter codswallop...

I have to admit, I couldn't take my mind off this blog all weekend. It was disappointment of epic proportions when my home computer wouldn't let me log in to post. I have so much to report... First and foremost, I have decided that I am a lover, not a hater (thanks for pointing that out to me Chadwick). Therefore, I'm having trouble with the bitchy blogs. I almost feel compelled to apologize to Kate Monster and Deidre for my March 9 comments. Almost.

The Taco House is open, the Taco House is open. It was another disappointment of epic proportions when I arrived on Saturday to find the line 50 deep. Needless to say, I left without my meat/bean nacho and soft shell taco. I returned on Sunday to find the same line, but decided to wait it out. This brings me to my next point...my stomach is obviously not Taco House ready, and needs to be broke in gingerly. "The road less traveled" was definitely not the road to my bathroom on Sunday evening...Ouchy.

I was utterly delighted on Saturday a.m. when I opened the Des Moines Register. Right there on the front page of the Metro and Iowa section was Marc Hansen's column "Making the jump into the wide world of blogs". I was thrilled to learn that I, having entered the blogosphere, join 100 million other people "sitting in their underwear, hurling banalities into the Internet". What is my point you may be wondering? I don't have one, and don't need one, because this a blog and anything goes. I love it.


Ciao folks, DF

The road less traveled...

Ok. So this is a new experience for me...I've deicided to hide behind my computer and blog people to death. If Kate Monster can do it, SO CAN I.

This morning, my friend (I won't mention any names Deidre) didn't call me back. Bitch. We were supposed to have lunch.

Two weeks ago somebody in Mexico stole my camera. I am challenging them (you know who you are) to full out BLOG WAR. Bring it on.

Let the blogs begin...